PACKED LUNCH PHENOMENON FOR HUSBAND: NETIZENS' CONTESTATION ABOUT GENDER ROLES

Packed lunch for husbands was a viral thread on Twitter in 2020. The thread containing photos of food and the recipe went viral because of the many responses from netizens regarding packed lunch for husbands related to gender roles. This article questions how gender roles relate to packed lunch for husbands, which netizens disputed in this thread. This research uses descriptive analysis method. By collecting primary data in the form of phrases, words, sentences contained in the @rainydecember thread along with citizen comments. After the data was collected, it was analyzed using Betty Friedan's feminine mystique perspective, then described. The results showed that the owner of the thread was shackled to the mystical feminine who consciously or not helped to spread and perpetuate it by making packed lunch for her husband. The thread then received mixed responses, netizens who widely supported the thread indicated that they were constructed of a patriarchal ideology and considered the ideal woman who was good at taking care of the household as a mystical feminine. As for those who are against these threads, they have the potential to misogyny and build stereotypes on women, especially aimed at the thread owner.


INTRODUCTION
Technology has been used as a widespread information world wide, including on gender issues. Everett (2004) for example, discussed the controversy between cyberfeminism and womanfeminism on technology utilization. Meanwhile Bray (2007) explored the technology patriarchal narrative as an unneutral gender. As stated by Kellner (1996), these cultural media and technology have the capability to drive the mass opinion, social behavior even to form one's identity. The development of technology opens up the opportunities from sharing information, opinion, interaction across space and time and representing the identity.
The capability of media is also found when it can inflict social movement, whether on Twitter or Instagram. On raising the issues, hashtags (#) are commonly used. Social media, thus, enables rapid and widespread information worldwide without selection, as well as in television, newspapers, or magazines. One of the issues or trending topics on Twitter is the packed lunch for husband phenomenon.
Packed lunch for husband Today is a thread uploaded by an account named @rainydecember on June 26, 2020. The thread shares many pictures of food that is neatly arranged in a lunch box, followed by the recipes. The account in the thread admits that she has only been making lunches for her husband on a regular basis. It was done due to his husband's inability to return home during the lunch break. Moreover, it coincides with the social restrictions in the new normal situation during the pandemic. The thread goes viral, with up to 56K retweets, 161K likes, and 5.8K replies. The thread is also covered by mass media such as Geotimes.com, Kompas.com, Detik.com, Tribun.com, and so on.
The controversy arises when many comments are questioned and argued regarding gender equality and the role and division of labor for women in the public and domestic spheres in relatedness to the thread of packed lunch for husband. Packed lunch for husband phenomenon have scientifically studied by Sari and Yusrina under the title Analisis Wacana Kritis terhadap Konten Media Sosial "Bekal Buat Suami" dalam Perspektif Gender on 2020. Van Dijk's critical discourse analysis and gender approached are used. The conclusion of that analysis discloses that the thread legitimizes the existence of gender-based division labor (Sari & Yusriansya, 2020). Furthermore, gender roles in relation to media have been carried out by Ahdiah (2013), Rokhimah (2014), Siswati & Puspitawati (2017), Wiasti (2017), Rosyidah & Nurwati (2019), Kusuma & Fitriawan (2020). However, most of the previous studies explores how media constructs gender roles and women' images. DOI: 10.24014/ Marwah.v22i1.16703 Marwah: Jurnal Perempuan, Agama dan Jender (p-ISSN: 1412-6095 | e-ISSN: 2407-1587) Vol. 22, No. 1, 2023 The background of this study, then, drives the researchers to question how women gender roles, specifically as wives related to packed lunch for husband phenomenon on Twitter.
By using Betty Friedan's feminine mystique perspective regarding the role of women as wives and housewives.
Gender refers to differences of roles, function, status and responsibilities associated with particular sexes whether in the form of habitual, culture, belief or psychologically not biologically.
Gender is different from sex. Sex is natural while gender is a construction. Basically, gender as social construction is in the form of feminine and masculine. It is sociohistorically formed. It is not fix, not universal and it can be learned. As an example here of women natural roles are conceiving, giving birth and breastfeeding. On the contrary the roles such as cooking, washing, sweeping the floor are constructed gender roles. Women are considered to responsible towards domestic and reproduction role while men are in public and production affairs.
In its development explained by Fakih (2008:72-75), those diversities on gender-based roles rises gender inequalities. As an example here are marginalization, subordination, stereotype, violence, to burden. The victims of gender inequality are commonly women. The root of gender issue is patriarchal ideology whether its assessment, norms, beliefs in which men are subordinate to women. Patriarchal ideology establishes gender stratification. It is the inequality on distribution of wealth, power, privilege between men and women.
Gender roles and its variable nature are controverted in the thread of packed lunch for husband. Netizens put their thought in their respective capacities regarding on that thread in married life and related to the role of wife. Those who are pros give a comment ranging from supporting to inspiring if someday the commentators get married. On the other hand, the cons assume that @rainydecember is not reflected the equality in the distribution of gender-based role.
Friedan describes women as well as wives and housewives as feminine mystique. It is the assumption that ideal women are those who are wives and housewives. It is constructed with the respect to feminine characteristic, a hope in which women are capable to take care their household. When women accomplish it, they are considered as ideal women. Conversely, if women try to get out of domestic sphere into public sphere whether through education or professional career, they are no longer considered as feminine. Women subordination is thus rooted from law and custom that prevent them into public sphere by labelling feminine and unfeminine.

METHODS
This research is divided into two stages, data collection and data analysis. Data collection is done by taking notes and close reading. The primary data in this study is in the form of thread uploaded by account @rainydecember entitle "Packed Lunch for Husband Today" and netizens' comments on the thread which has a suitability with formal object. While the secondary data is in the form of texts on gender roles and feminine mystique taken from scientific research, including journals, articles and books. In data analysis, first the researchers connect the threads. Second, researchers interpret the pros and cons of netizens' reply on @rainydecember thread.

Feminine Mystique Shackles
Gender equality continues to be echoed in order to obtain dynamic conditions where men and women have the same position in obtaining access, participations, rights, obligations, roles in life activities in the family, society, nation and state. As stated by Amir dan Suhartini (2013:2) in which it has a big impact to Indonesian women. This is because many Indonesian can cook before you get married, it will be useful." When women as well as wives who are placed in domestic sphere, it seems that they are forced to be able to take care the household completely. When @rainydecember on his thread says she cannot cook at first, she tries to be able to cook as the fulfillment as wife in domestic realm. What @rainydecember does is in accordance with the opinion of Betty Friedan (1974:11-12) regarding the ideal image of feminine women who are expected to be able to take care if her household and nothing else can hinder the ideal feminine role. If the demands of this domestic role are carried out in full, it is believed that women will also find happiness in it, in which Betty Friedan called as feminine mystique (Friedan, 1974).
The happiness that women get in the domestic sphere will be achieved when they play a full role in the that arena by placing her happiness on her children and husband without being selfish. On @rainydecember, her thread also demonstrates the same thing when she cooks according to her husband's taste instead her wwon. As it is written "Suami juga ga begitu suka sayur yang kompleks rasanya, karena katanya bisa nutupin rasa lauk, jadi paling maunya sayur bening, sayur sop, tumis-tumisan sama rebus-rebusan, jadi menu sayurku ya paling itu-itu aja, yang penting bapak suami mau makan". It seems that @rainydecember achieves her happiness when her husband wants to eat what she cooks. Udasmoro (2017:6) adds that feminine mystique which domesticate women also make women or wives live their lives by releasing all commitments and lives that represented through their husband and children.
If in The Feminine Mystique written by Friedan demonstrates how women or wives experience anxiety or emptiness in themselves after their domestification and self-fulfillment are represented by their husbands and try to get out of the trap of feminine mystique, then @ rainydecember is not the case. From the thread she writes about "Packed Lunch for Husband Today" it actually illustrates how she tries to fully carry out activities in the domestic sphere. There was not even any resistance or complaint shown from her thread regarding how she had to prepare her packed lunch every day. This, then, makes @rainydecember appear to be a woman with a passive and deep self-image within feminine mystique that exist, instead becomes an ideal self-image within feminine mystique.
Feminine mystique is believed to bring happiness when the women or wives are able to fulfill all her roles in the domestic area. In the case of @rainydecember the manifests itself in the form of reward "Hitung-hitung juga ladang pahala buat istri kan, masakin suaminya". Based on Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonenesia (KBBI), pahala is a reward given by God to human being after doing a good. It also becomes the basis that @rainydecember's activities of making packed lunch for her husband seems to be based on religious teachings, Islam in specific. Whereas in Islam the rewards is not only obtained by cooking like @rainydecember, but more broadly as revealed by Mernissi (1991:118), by obedience to Allah. The thread of @rainydecember seems to justify that Islam places women or wives in the domestic sphere. On the contrary, Velayati (2016: 2) writes that men or hubands are served instead of doing domestic sphere. Thus, on the role of doing feminine jobs such as cooking, women only expect rewards and gifts from God as form of happiness.
However, Islamic teachings are not like that, instead, uphold the equality for both men and women. This equality does not make women only in domestic sphere but also requires women to be in public area. As Velayati (2016: 3) states, it is according to Later An-Nisa verse 34 "Arrijalu qawamoona allan nisa", which indicates the equal rights and values for both men and women. It is also supported by Mernissi's statement (1991: 102) that during the time of Prophet, women were also given positions in the public sphere and not merely in the domestic area. As given example, Khadijah as the Prophet's wife who was a businesswoman and Aisha who had a role in politics. Thus, it can be seen that the happiness or rewards that women will get are not entirely by serving their husband, in the domestic sphere and believing that there will be happiness or rewards that will come when women are able to carry out their duties in the domestic sphere.
The thread of @rainydecember ultimately discloses that she is still stucks in deep feminine mystique. Placing fulfillment in the husband by doing domestic work and trusting it rewards in the form of pahala (reward from God) when she is able to do that. Moreover, these thoughts are indirectly spread through threads on social media.
An image of happy or trapped wife feminine mystique in America around 1960 by Betty Friedan Friedan (1974:28-29) is caused by the dissemination through experts such as

The Netizen Controversy: Between Supporting Domestication and Misogyny
The internet has been a double-edged sword for women, with its potential to empower and amplify their voices, while also providing a platform for misogyny and harassment. On one hand, there are those who argue that women should be able to express themselves freely online without fear of harassment or intimidation. On the other hand, there are those who argue that women need to be more careful about what they post online, as they may be inviting unwanted attention or even danger. They believe that women should take responsibility for their own safety and avoid posting anything that could be seen as provocative or controversial.
The thread titled Packed lunch for Husband Today has sparked numerous responses and debates among netizens. Those who agree with the thread's owner about packed lunch for husband appear to support domestication. Those who criticize have the potential to be misogynistic.
Misogyny is a term applied to behavior that shows distrust and hatred of women. Hateful behavior directed at women can take various forms. For example, by assuming and believing that women are ridiculous, short-sighted, and stupid creatures (Ruth, 1998: 108). This belief in assumptions towards women has grown and developed throughout the history of misogyny, as shown in various ways at different times (Holland, 2006: 6-8).
Expressions that show misogyny can be verbal, symbolic, or acts that harass women. media, misogynistic expressions are usually seen in content or comments that smell of ethnicity, race, religion, or insults between groups by harassing the dignity of women (Alyatalatthaf, 2019).
These expressions are often delivered in a joking tone, which leads to misogynistic acts.
Based on the definition of misogyny above, researchers found expressions on social media that lead to misogyny. This expression can be seen in the comments of netizens who responded to the thread titled "Packed lunch for Husband Today", which is a thread shared by @rainydecember on Twitter. Misogynistic expressions include comments written by @hillandianest accounts. He wrote as follows: The comments are evidence of misogynistic behavior that occurs on social media by carrying out hate speech as well as distrust of women in the context of women who cook packed lunch for their husbands. The response seemed to call the thread owner's effort as a woman who cooked lunch for her husband a form of stupidity and silliness, saying "so wow" that once cooking cost two hundred thousand.
The owner of the @hillandianest account, who began his response with the words "Bismillach", seemed to also mock the owner of the thread by writing the sentence Bismillah in a joking tone. He also gave a less ethical response by writing the phrase "after three months, it turns out that your husband cheated". Fellow women, @hillandianest even displays misogyny by predicting that the husband will cheat (slengki). This action by @hillandianest reinforces what Misogynistic expressions are also evident from comments written by accounts with @alfamidi__ usernames. It can be seen in his distrust of women's actions in his comments, such as "What should be the packed lunch for the husband, the husband makes packed lunch for the wife not there: *sigh*." Account owners, @alfamidi__, express misogyny with complaints, namely saying sigh at the end of sentences and confusing it with daily habits in the context of actions and habits. The reason is that he questioned the existence of packed lunch for wives from husbands because there are packed lunch for husbands from wives. That is, @alfamidi__ seems to question the division between domestic space and public space. In other words, the husband is also obliged to cook packed lunch for the wife; it is not just the wife who is obliged to cook packed lunch for the husband. This is because women also have the right to be in public spaces, and men should also be able to be in domestic spaces. However, @alfamidi__ expressed in the context of mass media interactions a negative question, namely "What should it be?" in the comments section of Twitter @rainydecember.
On the other hand, misogynistic expressions are also seen in comments from accounts with @gilbhas usernames. In his comments, it is clear how much misogyny he expressed. There are many question marks in the comment, as if questioning the thread owner about what she did, which was to make packed lunch for her husband. The account owner also wrote "duh. I'm sorry, I'm so easy to get triggered over things like this," which seemed to justify that @rainydecember as the thread owner as a woman who voluntarily chose a domestic space by cooking lunch for her husband as despicable and low. The phrase "only husbands? " by @gilbhas indirectly questions the position of women, accompanied by the saying "only husbands get packed lunch?". This expression also has the potential to underestimate the position of women, namely by perceiving that the only one who always gets benefits and happiness is the husband.
The existence of the husband in public spaces must be appreciated and cared for. DOI: 10.24014/ Marwah.v22i1.16703 Marwah: Jurnal Perempuan, Agama dan Jender (p-ISSN: 1412-6095 | e-ISSN: 2407-1587) Vol. 22, No. 1, 2023, Hal. 72 -86 81 On the other hand, the actualization of misogyny bonds can appear in the form of old tales retold, sumptuary and adultery, and violence against women in the form of jokes, beatings, rapes, and even murder, abuse of women, violence, and ridicule. These three kinds of misogyny, according to Sunarto (2009: 51), are referred to as visible misogyny bonds.
The actualization of misogyny is also evident in the debate over the thread Packed lunch for Husband, written by @rainydecember. Actualization in the form of the old tales retold appears in the belief that women's duties are only in the domestic space with the parable of "women are just in mattresses, wells, and kitchens". This can also be seen in the comments of @alfamidi__ and @gilbhas, who ask indirectly, "Why are women only in the domestic space?
Why do some women cook lunch for their husbands but no men cook packed lunch for their wives? Regardless of whether the woman is sincere or not, she chooses to cook packed lunch for her husband.
The actualization of misogyny in the form of sumptuary and adultery laws was also contained in the netizen's comments. The actualization is as written by @hillandianest: "Imagine that you make dishes for your husband that are so amazing and full of effort that you once spent two hundred thousand on packed lunch. However, after three months, it turns out that your husband cheated.". Misogyny alluding to luxury can be seen in the comments that mention the nominal two hundred thousand based on photos and recipes of @rainydecember dishes. The price can be said to be expensive if spent on cooking packed lunch that are likely for one to two meals only. While misogyny in alluding to adultery is seen in comments that predict that three months later the husband will cheat. In other words, cooking expensive (luxurious) packed lunch does not guarantee that the husband will be faithful (not commit adultery). Therefore, @hillandianest regrets the behavior of @rainydecember, who cooks expensive and luxurious packed lunch but does not guarantee that the husband does not do bad things such as cheating.
On the other hand, the actualization of misogyny in the form of violence against women in the form of abuse of women, violence, and ridicule is also evident in @hillandianest's comment, "Bismillach. A thread called "Packed lunch for Husband Today," aka the stupidest thread I've ever seen." The comments seemed to laugh at, harass, belittle, and fool @rainydecember's behavior. In other words, @hillandianest interprets, cooking packed lunch for husband as stupid behavior because @rainydecember seems to be used only by her husband.
However, @rainydecember did it without being told, without being ordered by anyone, and without expecting any strings attached from her husband. DOI: 10.24014/ Marwah.v22i1.16703 Marwah: Jurnal Perempuan, Agama dan Jender (p-ISSN: 1412-6095 | e-ISSN: 2407-1587) Vol. 22, No. 1, 2023 However, in addition to the counter-comments to the thread shared by @rainydecember, researchers found positive comments written by netizens in the thread column with the title "Packed lunch for Husband Today". First, an account with the username @Hujandisenja replied to the thread with a positive and even supportive outlook to answer misogynistic comments expressed by other accounts.
"Bekal buat suami hari ini." Apa yang salah sih ama judul di atas? Kecuali  (p-ISSN: 1412-6095 | e-ISSN: 2407-1587) Vol. 22, No. 1, 2023 how women in the domestic sphere carry out their activities, instead comparing them negatively with the activities and advantages of women and men who can occupy public spaces.
When looking back at @Hujandisenja's comment, the phrase seeks to put women on an equal footing with men. It can be done, as Betty Friedan argues, that women, through hard work, will be able to match men without sacrificing marriage and their role as mothers only for careers (Friedan, 1974). @Hujandisenja's response also deals with what is commonly called the inner voice, the emptiness of the soul, and the purpose of life, with a broad interpretation. In questioning the feminine and its relation to women's life expectancy, by being feminine, there will no longer be obstacles to taking care of the household as an ideal feminine form. However, femininity will be hampered if followed by education and a professional career. Those two things can inhibit the feminine side of a woman. The femininity of women then causes their exclusion from society.
The positive response regarding the thread shared by @rainydecember was also evident in @remahastor's post. From @remahastor's view, it is clear that she does not perpetuate the position of women in the domestic sphere, nor is there a problem with the existence of women in the space.
"Women support women tapi cuma karena thread dengan judul "bekal buat suami hari ini" malah menjatuhkan sesama perempuan. She basically did something harmless, it's her husband and she did that because she wanted to kenapa jadi pada repot sih, heran bgt. If that kind of content isn't your cup of tea yaudah nggak usah diliat lagi pula itu konten harmless kok. Bawa-bawa inequality padahal mbak yg bikin thread nggak glorifying men/degrading women at all." "Women support women, but only because the thread with the title "Packed lunch for Husband Today" brings down fellow women. She did something harmless, it's her husband, and she did that because she wanted to. Why is it so troublesome, so wonder? If that kind of content isn't your cup of tea, doesn't have to be seen; anyway, it's harmless content. Bring inequality even though the account owner who created the thread is not glorifying men or degrading women at all." On the other hand, @remahastor regretted the behavior of some netizens who committed misogyny, even against their fellow women, just because they did not agree with the  22, No. 1, 2023, Hal. 72 -86 84 thread that had been written by @rainydecember. The account argued that what @rainydecember wrote was her own choice and did no harm, writing "She did something harmless; it's her husband, and she did that because she wanted to". The owner of the @remahastor account argues that the thread owner also does not glorify all women to do what he does, which is to make packed lunch for their husbands.
The @mazzini_gsp account also responded to the thread by referring to the historical side of packed lunch for husbands. She wrote, "Kalau ada yang gak setuju kenapa bekal itu identik dengan perempuan yg buat untuk suami atau anaknya? Ya harus liat sejarah. Ini kan sejak masa Perang Dunia II awalnya. Sebelum itu di abad ke 12, bekal ya gak melulu perempuan, laki-laki ya buat bekal dan siapin bekal sendiri." "If anyone disagrees, why is the packed lunch identical to the woman who made it for her husband or child? Yes, you have to look at history. This has been since the time of World War II, initially. Before that, in the 12th century, packed lunch were not only made by women; men also made and prepared their packed lunch." The response seemed to mention the forerunner of packed lunch that are synonymous with women, along with the presence of feminine mystique, as a sign of the beginning of the second wave of the feminist movement in America. The Feminine Mystique is written in an era when women were required to return to their nature as traditional housewives after the trauma of World War II and at a time when people had to live in fear of the dangers of the atomic bomb and the Cold War.

CONCLUSION
This research shows that @rainydecember, with her thread entitled "Packed lunch for Husband Today", is still indirectly confined to feminine mystique beliefs, where happiness in the form of merit will be achieved after she fulfills it as a housewife with a domestic job. The shackles of feminine mystique are then strengthened by its religious basis, which is precisely contrary to Islamic teachings, which view women unequally. The feminine mystique of @rainydecember, intentionally or unintentionally disseminated through social media, can influence netizens.
The thread also received various responses from netizens, both for and against. Support is important because it considers cooking packed lunch for husbands to be also related to the DOI: 10.24014/ Marwah.v22i1.16703 Marwah: Jurnal Perempuan, Agama dan Jender (p-ISSN: 1412-6095 | e-ISSN: 2407-1587) Vol. 22, No. 1, 2023, Hal. 72 -86 85 heart (inner voice), filling the emptiness of the soul, killing loneliness, and realizing one-by-one life goals with a wider meaning. Women, through their hard work, will be able to match men, even if only in the domestic realm, without having to sacrifice marriage and their role as mothers only for careers.
As for the counter-responses of netizens, one side has the potential to cause misogyny, even carried out by fellow women. This expression of misogyny is actualized in the form of giving rise to ancient stories and beliefs that consider that women have always been in the domestic realm, namely wells, mattresses, and kitchens. In addition, through hate speech by mentioning luxury and adultery, as well as ridicule and jokes.